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Effluvium From Sonya's Brain, LiveJournal Edition

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"Life moves pretty fast...
Eliza, Rock Band
sonyalynn

Create world peace, 2PM-3PM Friday......you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
—Ferris Bueller

So, you may have noticed it's been a couple of months since I blogged last. Life has been crazy to say the least. My new job has become hectic to a point of making me wish I could clone myself even despite the inevitable rent that would cause in the fabric of space and time...or maybe just an amusing xXxenophile vignette.

My fling with Amy ran it's course, but I still adore her and have a sneaking suspicion she'll be around in my life for the foreseeable future. And it was delightful while it lasted. She'll forever have a special place in my memory and my heart as the girl who helped me get my groove back.

'Sides, if not for her, I never would have been shining as brightly as I was when I met Renie at a women's pool party over at the delightful House Weirdness. And the *click* was probably heard around the world.

I've had a lot of partners and lovers. A lot. I've had several primary partners. None of them have ever been on the same wavelength with me like Renie is. I've finally found my partner in crime. As poly as I am, as kinky as I am, as desiring of adventures together and separately as I am...and seems to know more about making life good than I do despite being 10 years my junior. I'm in love...truly, madly, deeply.

But I've also met a bevy of beautiful Amazons...more on that later. That's important.

I've also found some new motivations and meanings in my life...both long-term and short-term. I've already alluded to one of the short-term ones: Geek Salon. Part intellectual salon, part geek house party. Something like a mini-BayCon every month. I'll talk more about it later, but I will make it happen and you'll hear all about it here.

The other idea is one I'd had for a long time, but it took meeting a wonderful woman named Beth to crystallize with the right metaphor...the right name: Amazons. In a queer women's culture that seems to be obsessed with butches, andros, genderqueers, and FTMs (not that there's anything wrong with them, mind), and in which even a group calling itself the "Femme Posse" was a disappointing queer ladies' auxilliary that seemed to do nothing but plan Butch Appreciation Day, it's time for the powerful, femme-loving femmes (even if they love others in addition to their fellow femmes...no one's demanding exclusivity here) to reclaim their space and their pride in the community, dangit.

And I'm going to make it happen...create my own private Themiscyra. I want it to be a thing...a meme...an identity. When a gaggle of fierce femmes shows up at the dyke bar/play party/club/whatever, I want heads to turn and people to whisper in awe, "The amazons are here!" And we'll have our own space for just us, in person and online. I'll start it...but I want my fellow amazons to join in and make it as great as I know it can be.

In the long term, I think I need to work on how to stop the damage that I now realize was done to me growing up. I've been so hampered in figuring out who the hell I am, loving that person, and in reaching out for what I want...feeling like I actually deserve it, and deserve happiness.

As my therapy goes on, the shape of it is becoming clearer through the haze of non-stop, low-grade (and sometimes rather intense) pain that was my childhood. More and more I see how I was discouraged from being me at every step along the way by my family, my peers, my circumstances. I still struggle with the idea of doing things for myself, from the mundane tasks of self-maintenance to the achieving of life-goals and the realizing of desires.

I've started reading books by a very interesting psychologist named Jane Middleton-Moz. In specific, her books Children of Trauma: Rediscovering Your Discarded Self (in which she explains that trauma isn't just colossally bad individual incidents, but can also be an accumulation of smaller mini-traumas...and that the reactions of the significant adults in a child's life can be more harmful than the traumas themselves...or they can practically delete the damage if they're handled right) and Shame and Guilt: Masters of Disguise (reasonably self-explanatory).

I wonder if I'll have to go back to college and study developmental psych now. Maybe I can find another way to advance the cause. We'll see. Goodness knows I don't want to be fixing computers and telling people how to access their basic application preferences for the rest of my working life, even if it's paying the bills for now.

But first let me get Geek Salon and Themiscyra going.

It's nice to have both short- and long-term goals, eh? I'm finding it to be!

BTW, shout-outs to Amazons I've met in recent weeks not mentioned above (in roughly chronological order): Dana K, Jetta, Tora, Celestina, Lucy, Lori, Violet, Tegan, and Brandi. You're all amazing and you kick much booty. My Themiscyra is open to you all!



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Your Themiscyra needs a petting zoo.

*Whips out kitten ears, butt plug tail, shaking a bag of swedish fish as she tiptoes around the bushes.*

Here kitty kitty kitty....here kitty kitty kitty...

Oh, don't think for a moment there won't be the Amazons-only sex parties, m'dear. There will be. *evil grin*

If I'm feeling generous, I might even throw some that let non-amazon women in, too, in time. :-P

(Or maybe I'll just let other amazons handle that part if that's their interest...yay for delegation!)

(Deleted comment)
But of course! Just don't expect me to be done with 'em anytime soon at my current pace. :-\

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